{"id":14109,"date":"2014-02-20T04:45:44","date_gmt":"2014-02-20T04:45:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/2014\/02\/20\/spyderqueen-gilmoure-therobotmonster\/"},"modified":"2014-02-20T04:45:44","modified_gmt":"2014-02-20T04:45:44","slug":"spyderqueen-gilmoure-therobotmonster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/2014\/02\/20\/spyderqueen-gilmoure-therobotmonster\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

spyderqueen<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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gilmoure<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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therobotmonster<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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moniquill<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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siderealsandman<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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friendlytroll<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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astrakiseki<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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prokopetz<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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mikhailvladimirovich<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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bogleech<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.<\/p>\n

I want to see a sci fi universe where we\u2019re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.<\/p>\n

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn\u2019t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare \u201canimal\u201d races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?<\/p>\n

Like that old story \u201cthey\u2019re made of meat,\u201d only we\u2019re scarier.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN<\/p>\n

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.<\/p>\n

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT<\/p>\n

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.<\/p>\n

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.<\/p>\n

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE<\/p>\n

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY<\/p>\n

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.<\/p>\n

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS<\/p>\n

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.<\/p>\n

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE<\/p>\n

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase \u201chealthy as a horse\u201d to connote heartiness – but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There\u2019s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it\u2019s called pursuit predation. Basically, we\u2019re the Terminator.<\/p>\n

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That\u2019s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it\u2019s only \u201csort of\u201d.)<\/p>\n

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not<\/strong> evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:<\/p>\n