{"id":34958,"date":"2012-08-19T05:03:25","date_gmt":"2012-08-19T05:03:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/2012\/08\/19\/this-isnt-everything-you-are-14\/"},"modified":"2012-08-19T05:03:25","modified_gmt":"2012-08-19T05:03:25","slug":"this-isnt-everything-you-are-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/2012\/08\/19\/this-isnt-everything-you-are-14\/","title":{"rendered":"This Isn’t Everything You Are"},"content":{"rendered":"

lokilaufeyyson<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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iamthefirechild<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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lokilaufeyyson<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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iamthefirechild<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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lokilaufeyyson<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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iamthefirechild<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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lokilaufeyyson<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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iamthefirechild<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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She let him pull her in, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest. \u201cOh, Loki. Look at us. Both so convinced we\u2019re worthless people, so confused by others caring.\u201d Closing her eyes, she kept projecting, pouring her sympathy and caring and desire for this wounded, struggling man out.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cLook at us both,\u201d he repeated, nodding into her hair. \u00a0\u201dImagine what we could accomplish if we were without sentiment.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was something he had tried to achieve, but almost had to admit he could not. \u00a0Yet here was a creature whose existence revolved around emotion. \u00a0How tiring her life must be. \u00a0He was exhausted already.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Summer thwacked his back lightly. \u201cYou\u2019d be dead, because I wouldn\u2019t have this power. I\u2019ve known people who tried to cut off their emotions, and it didn\u2019t end well for them.\u201d Leaning back enough to look him in the face, she went on, \u201cLoki \u2026 I can\u2019t speak for you. But I told you once already, they tried to \u2026 mute me. And it was awful.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t imagine how. \u00a0Look how much pain this causes you. \u00a0I see what you have to endure, just to be near someone. \u00a0And you say it hurt to be without feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head and paced around the room. \u00a0This woman was turning his brain to mush.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Her mouth twisted. \u201cImagine if someone took your magic from you.\u201d Folding her arms, Summer regarded Loki. \u201cThat is how essential it is to me to feel. In this pain, I know I am alive.\u201d She couldn\u2019t help but frown, dark brows drawing together over green eyes. \u201cWhy is this so important to you? To push away emotion. Sentiment.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cAlive\u2026\u201d he tasted the word as he stopped to look out the window again. \u00a0Always that need to see a way out. \u00a0\u201dI do not feel it unless I know power. \u00a0Perhaps because of the lack of it all my life until\u2026recently.\u201d His gaze rested momentarily on the remains of the bifrost out the window. \u00a0\u201dI care not. \u00a0But sentiment will never satisfy.\u201d<\/p>\n

He turned then and fixed his eyes on hers intensely. \u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you not understand what feeling does to a man like me? \u00a0How distracting\u2026it is a weakness. \u00a0I have tasted weakness, Summer. \u00a0I do not intend to again.\u201d \u00a0He wildly hoped she could not see the feeling that stirred inside him even then, but of course she did. \u00a0She always would. \u00a0Maybe she would at least have the decency not to point it out.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Summer\u2019s mouth quirked downward. \u201cYou see me as weak.\u201d Blindly, she walked backward until the edge of the bed hit the backs of her knees. She crumpled onto it. \u201cSomething to be used.\u201d Without really being aware of it, the hurt she was feeling slid into the projection.<\/p>\n

\u201cLike your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why did it even matter, she asked herself. This was Loki, who destroyed, who killed, raped minds. There was probably no saving him. And even if there was, it was stupid to delude herself into thinking she could do it.<\/p>\n

It took every ounce of control Summer had ever learned in thirty-some-odd years to stand up again, to pull her jeans on, and walk toward the door, without allowing the tears in her eyes to spill down her face. She couldn\u2019t find it in her to unlock the tight muscles around her mouth, but her spine was straight and her head high.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Loki felt himself freeze at her words, ice spreading through his veins. \u00a0He had destroyed another connection, proven himself cruel and unworthy yet again. \u00a0He could not move as she poured her hurt over him; he drowned in it.<\/p>\n

Your brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy brother,\u201d he hissed, snapping back to reality. \u00a0He stepped to block the door. \u00a0\u201dMy brother was a fool, driven by petty whim and shallow connections.\u201d \u00a0Her hurt and his desperation were pooling together and he could hardly see straight through it all. \u00a0\u201dYou are not these things Summer. \u00a0Why must we pull at each other like this? \u00a0 \u00a0Can we claim power over others and who they are?\u201d \u00a0No, of course not, there was no hope for him. \u00a0But at the sight of those eyes of fire, he softened.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are anything but weak, my Summer. \u00a0You endure.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The endearment, small though it was, cracked her control. Shattered it. Summer lost the projection, blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. A sob wracked her body. Hastily she shook her hair forward, hiding her face. “I’m sorry,” she managed through a tight throat. “I shouldn’t’ve said those things. You are .. who you are, and I’ve no right to … change you.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

lokilaufeyyson: iamthefirechild: lokilaufeyyson: iamthefirechild: lokilaufeyyson: iamthefirechild: lokilaufeyyson: iamthefirechild: She let him pull her in, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest. \u201cOh, Loki. Look at us. Both so convinced we\u2019re worthless people, so confused by others caring.\u201d Closing her eyes, she kept projecting, pouring her sympathy and caring and desire … Continue reading This Isn’t Everything You Are<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[10,4238,4024,1517,4274],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34958"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34958"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34958\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.firechildren.net\/lightfire\/iamthefirechild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}