mood: crappy
tagme: disaster, geekgirl/gaming
308 words

I’m tired of stumbling over things I’m missing, and realising why. Last night, it was my Magic cards.

I don’t have any anymore. Not the ones from high school (Mirage, Weatherlight, Portal); not the ones from my years with Brandon (8th ed., Mirrodin cycle); not the ones I bought when I found the Game Keep. Not the ones the Bards gave me. Not the ones I found at the Atlanta Grand Prix, the first year I went to Dragon.

It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid; they’re cardboard rectangles in pretty colours. Not even THAT expensive. But there were memories tied up in those. Yes, Brandon and I ended badly, but I didn’t want to lose the memories we made together, and Magic is a big part of those. Even if I bought new cards, it wouldn’t be the same.

Worst of all, now I /want/ to buy new cards. I want to go back to Game Keep and just spend money; I want to go on eBay and search for collections being sold. I know I can’t.

But dammit, it HURTS. I’m tired of thinking, “If I’d only just pulled out everything I could, regardless of how damaged I thought it was; everything I could get to. If I’d only cleared out that closet, that room, found a space for the desk.”

I want it /back/!

Yes, the necessary things were saved. But some of the important things were sacrificed, and I’m afraid I’m going to wonder if they didn’t need to be for the rest of my life.

Maybe some of this ties into my craving to play Munchkin lately. I like card games. I like collector’s card games, too. And at least it’s not a collector hobby that has to take up much space …