Most of the blood was gone, and she could see now that it was just a little cut that would likely heal on its own with no trouble. Dropping the cloth in the water, she cut the heat with a little cold, and laid her hands to Victor’s temples. Painblocks were easy. “When I take this off, you have to sleep. Start with the person you killed. The memory that started this.”
Victor closed his eyes at the feel of her hands on his temples and sighed. “Her name was Claire and I loved her. We were together in college and she was a major part in my transition to the ‘real world’ from the Institution. It was stupid of me to think that the Institution wouldn’t look for me and apparently I had left a trail a mile wide. They got her; they got her and they tortured her. As soon as I found out they’d taken her I knew things were going to get really bad very fast. I knew their handbook, had it drilled into me from the moment I started training. There were two assassins, guards really, from the Institution waiting for me. Really they were just meant to slow me down and keep me from saving her. When I found Claire she was so close to death, there was no chance she’d make it. I held her, she could barely speak, blood leaked from her abdomen and when I came away from her I was soaked in it. I didn’t want her to suffer anymore, I knew what I had to do but I didn’t want to have to.” Victor paused and a single tear rolled down his cheek. “I shot her, I killed her and finished the job the Institution had started.”
He was quiet for another moment, “I hunted down a few key members of the Institution after Claire’s death and then a few more once I had become a vampire. They know better than to come for me now.”
Summer was silent for a long moment wen he stopped talking. “Ten years ago, yes? More. And as vivid as the day it happened,” she said finally. “Why do you cut yourself on it?” She looked around the room, searching for a candle, but gave up after a moment, turning back to Victor. “Is that the worst of it?”
“Still just as vivid as the day it happened. She was the first person to show me any sort of kindness. She was the first person I loved and somehow she loved me back. She was also the first person that died because of me, because of what I am. And how did I repay her? I put her down like a dog.” He shook his head. “It haunts me that I didn’t do anything to stop it. I could’ve killed the bastards from the Institute years earlier but I didn’t. I tried to pretend none of it had ever happened.”
“Yeah, that’s the worst of it. After that, I started drinking heavily. I was drowning, almost literally in my regret. A drink felt like the only thing that worked to make me not think. I finally kicked it, with the help of some friends at the time. This is the first time I’ve had so much in a long time.” He trailed off for a moment and then looked to Summer to try to see what she was looking for.
“It’s the last time, too, if you expect to stay with me.” She leveled a flat gaze at him. “Now, listen. I expect I’ll have to repeat this many times before you can believe me, and at some point you will say to me, ‘how can you know? how dare you say these things?’ and I will tell you. But for now, listen. You believe it was your fault. You think, if I’d never left the Institute. If we’d never got close. If I’d protected her better. A thousand ifs.”
“It was not your fault. There are a thousand ifs on her side, on their side. By regretting it so, you demean her choice. You reduce her to nothing more than a thing, an object.” Summer put a hand under Victor’s chin. “The hardest lesson is this: shit /happens/. You cannot choose for others. Her or them.”