Yes, I can hear myself, and you know what? I still say I should have sent her away! If she hated me for it, then fine. She would be alive, and it would have been worth every second of her hatred! If she told me to leave, I would have stayed, but I still should have sent her away, because if I stayed and did nothing more, the results would still be the same! She would still be dead!
Bad things happen! You can’t prevent them! -kind of involuntarily crying now- How do you know that by staying with you, she died sooner? Maybe she lived longer because she met you! We can’t know the count of the living! Maybe the moment you sent her away was the moment her death was sealed!
I know that she lived longer because she met me! I was trying to—to save her! And I… failed. I failed her. I should have done more, been better. If I had, she—she might still be alive. But she isn’t, and it’s my fault. *staring at the floor, trying not to cry*
S-so because you couldn’t change things once, you’re just going to pull away from all of us who love you, hold me off with one hand and just …. just … martyr yourself to that one memory — she would not have wanted you to stop loving!
