Surprise jolted new energy into Summer’s blood. The kiss itself wasn’t entirely unexpected; the god of mischief and lies would surely manipulate by attraction. He’d already tried it on her, just before Thanos’ first attack, after all.
No, the surprise came from his motivation.
The adrenaline, the touch, the kiss … it all heterodyned in a dizzying surge of desire. She hummed softly, low in her throat, and looped an arm about Loki’s shoulders. One kiss stolen, one kiss given — when he tried to pull away, she pushed upward and kissed him, with no caution at all.
Loki fought back a surge of panic when he felt himself giving into her embrace. Why would she think she still owed him anything? It was wrong to take so much. He felt wrong. But he could not stop himself gathering her up to him, deepening the kiss. She felt like fire spreading through him, warm and uncontrollable. When his hands slid under her shirt and made contact with smooth skin, he pulled back as if he had really been burned.
He drew in a sharp intake of breath, battling himself. Too many battles for one evening, he thought bitterly. Trying desperately to focus on her eyes, all he could see, suddenly, was the life leaving Thanos as he twisted the spear in his heart. The blood. The look of utter torture on Summer’s face as she saved his life…
“I cannot…I cannot make you do this…” he muttered, scrambling to his feet.
Summer gaped as Loki backed away in haste. Too many responses crowded her mouth, jostling for escape. All she managed was a pitiful “aah?”
Staring up at the ceiling, lost in shadows, she tried to breathe, tried not to curl around the hurt. Rejected, again. No matter what she did, no matter what she said. Swallowing past the lump of incipient tears in her throat, she rolled over on her side, trying to hide her face, and murmured, carefully, “Would it be too much trouble for me to ask for something to eat?”
“Yes. No! No, of course. Yes of course.”
What kind of babbling idiot have I become?
Loki scrambled from the room and through the palace corridors until he got to the kitchen. As he scooped up an armful of bread and cheese, he asked himself over and over what was the matter. Somehow the only thought his mind seemed capable of processing was “make sure Summer is alright.” He wanted her to be happy. To be well.
To be his.
He also wished he had any kind of skill at cooking, because perhaps he could have brought something better. What a spoiled childhood he had had. He burst back into the room and was suddenly terrified at the mere sight of Summer’s hands twirled through her hair as she lay on the bed. He definitely needed to do something about the way his senses were betraying him.
“Here you are. I’m sorry, it isn’t much…” he lay the basket down beside her and tried to focus his eyes somewhere else. He studied the curtains shuddering in the breeze from the cracked open window.
“This is perfect.” Summer tried to sit up and fell back, yanked down by her own hair trapped under her body. It provoked a little giggle as she wrested the long strands free, finally managing to get to an upright position. One hand came up with bread and the other cheese, and she alternated between the two for a moment.
Immediate hunger and energy-loss satisfied, Summer cast a glance at Loki. “You’re free now,” she said. “Why are you still tangled? I thought you would be happy now.” One hand reached toward him, fingers spread. “But … that’s despair, and self-hatred, anxiety, desire … and fear.”
He looked back at her, eyes bright and pained. ”Would you stop that?” he managed a light laugh. He caught her fingers and twined them with his own. ”Just for a moment, be fooled by my facades.”
He waited until she had eaten her fill and then put the basket away. ”I must…I am going to rest, now.”
You are free now.
He moved towards his own bed, around a corner, and could not stop himself from glancing back at her, trying to read her gaze. And then he lay down and curled up on himself, shaking with confliction in the darkened room.
Why are you still tangled?
She watched him out of sight, and a blink sent cold tears rolling down her cheeks. Angrily she wiped them away, hating herself. Every time, every time, she deceived herself, fooling herself into believing it would be different. She’d warned him, but failed to heed her own words. Can you care for someone who will always know if you truly do or not?
Be fooled by my facades. How could she? Knowing what lay underneath, that great, scarred heart … oh, he tried to ward it with ice, just as she did her own with fire, but she’d always be someone he couldn’t fool, and that was its own sort of pain.
The tears wouldn’t stop falling, blurring her vision and choking her throat, and finally she gave up trying to stop crying and just tried not to make any noise.
[[EXCUSE ME WHILE I DIE OF FEELS let’s start a new post tomorrow? <3]
[[FEEEEEEEEELS Helios reminds you that tomorrow his mommy will be out playing with her family so the new post may be unattended until Sunday night. Also, fluff. My music player says the next chapter/post should be titled “This isn’t everything you are”.]]