Loki felt himself freeze at her words, ice spreading through his veins. He had destroyed another connection, proven himself cruel and unworthy yet again. He could not move as she poured her hurt over him; he drowned in it.
Your brother.
“My brother,” he hissed, snapping back to reality. He stepped to block the door. ”My brother was a fool, driven by petty whim and shallow connections.” Her hurt and his desperation were pooling together and he could hardly see straight through it all. ”You are not these things Summer. Why must we pull at each other like this? Can we claim power over others and who they are?” No, of course not, there was no hope for him. But at the sight of those eyes of fire, he softened.
“You are anything but weak, my Summer. You endure.”
The endearment, small though it was, cracked her control. Shattered it. Summer lost the projection, blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. A sob wracked her body. Hastily she shook her hair forward, hiding her face. “I’m sorry,” she managed through a tight throat. “I shouldn’t’ve said those things. You are … who you are, and I’ve no right to … change you.”
“Oh please, Lady Summer,” Loki spoke into her hair, wrapping his arms around her, “do control yourself. Some dignity, please,” he laughed, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He felt a strange sense of calm flood through him as her crying stopped.
Summer couldn’t resist the relaxation of tense muscles as his arms went around her. Into his chest, she said, voice still choked, “When have you ever known me to be dignified, Loki? Didn’t all this start with play?”
Suddenly he was very aware of the way she was held against him. ”You are right, my Summer. Would you forgive me, just for now,” he slid his hands through her hair, relishing the softness as it slid between his fingers as he dragged them down her neck and back, “a moment of weakness?”
“Loki, I consider neither play nor emotion weakness.” His sudden desire rang in her head like a cascading chorus of bells. She let it ride through her body, and curled her hands against his chest, letting more of her weight rest against him. “Right now, just now, I will forgive you almost anything.
“Darling.” The endearment was low, pitched with meaning, unlike the careless southernisms she’d thrown around before.
Her mouth twisted. “Imagine if someone took your magic from you.” Folding her arms, Summer regarded Loki. “That is how essential it is to me to feel. In this pain, I know I am alive.” She couldn’t help but frown, dark brows drawing together over green eyes. “Why is this so important to you? To push away emotion. Sentiment.”
“Alive…” he tasted the word as he stopped to look out the window again. Always that need to see a way out. ”I do not feel it unless I know power. Perhaps because of the lack of it all my life until…recently.” His gaze rested momentarily on the remains of the bifrost out the window. ”I care not. But sentiment will never satisfy.”
He turned then and fixed his eyes on hers intensely.
“Do you not understand what feeling does to a man like me? How distracting…it is a weakness. I have tasted weakness, Summer. I do not intend to again.” He wildly hoped she could not see the feeling that stirred inside him even then, but of course she did. She always would. Maybe she would at least have the decency not to point it out.
Summer’s mouth quirked downward. “You see me as weak.” Blindly, she walked backward until the edge of the bed hit the backs of her knees. She crumpled onto it. “Something to be used.” Without really being aware of it, the hurt she was feeling slid into the projection.
“Like your brother.”
Why did it even matter, she asked herself. This was Loki, who destroyed, who killed, raped minds. There was probably no saving him. And even if there was, it was stupid to delude herself into thinking she could do it.
It took every ounce of control Summer had ever learned in thirty-some-odd years to stand up again, to pull her jeans on, and walk toward the door, without allowing the tears in her eyes to spill down her face. She couldn’t find it in her to unlock the tight muscles around her mouth, but her spine was straight and her head high.
Loki felt himself freeze at her words, ice spreading through his veins. He had destroyed another connection, proven himself cruel and unworthy yet again. He could not move as she poured her hurt over him; he drowned in it.
Your brother.
“My brother,” he hissed, snapping back to reality. He stepped to block the door. ”My brother was a fool, driven by petty whim and shallow connections.” Her hurt and his desperation were pooling together and he could hardly see straight through it all. ”You are not these things Summer. Why must we pull at each other like this? Can we claim power over others and who they are?” No, of course not, there was no hope for him. But at the sight of those eyes of fire, he softened.
“You are anything but weak, my Summer. You endure.”
The endearment, small though it was, cracked her control. Shattered it. Summer lost the projection, blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. A sob wracked her body. Hastily she shook her hair forward, hiding her face. “I’m sorry,” she managed through a tight throat. “I shouldn’t’ve said those things. You are … who you are, and I’ve no right to … change you.”
“Oh please, Lady Summer,” Loki spoke into her hair, wrapping his arms around her, “do control yourself. Some dignity, please,” he laughed, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He felt a strange sense of calm flood through him as her crying stopped.
Summer couldn’t resist the relaxation of tense muscles as his arms went around her. Into his chest, she said, voice still choked, “When have you ever known me to be dignified, Loki? Didn’t all this start with play?”
She let him pull her in, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest. “Oh, Loki. Look at us. Both so convinced we’re worthless people, so confused by others caring.” Closing her eyes, she kept projecting, pouring her sympathy and caring and desire for this wounded, struggling man out.
“Look at us both,” he repeated, nodding into her hair. ”Imagine what we could accomplish if we were without sentiment.”
It was something he had tried to achieve, but almost had to admit he could not. Yet here was a creature whose existence revolved around emotion. How tiring her life must be. He was exhausted already.
Summer thwacked his back lightly. “You’d be dead, because I wouldn’t have this power. I’ve known people who tried to cut off their emotions, and it didn’t end well for them.” Leaning back enough to look him in the face, she went on, “Loki … I can’t speak for you. But I told you once already, they tried to … mute me. And it was awful.”
“I can’t imagine how. Look how much pain this causes you. I see what you have to endure, just to be near someone. And you say it hurt to be without feeling?”
He shook his head and paced around the room. This woman was turning his brain to mush.
Her mouth twisted. “Imagine if someone took your magic from you.” Folding her arms, Summer regarded Loki. “That is how essential it is to me to feel. In this pain, I know I am alive.” She couldn’t help but frown, dark brows drawing together over green eyes. “Why is this so important to you? To push away emotion. Sentiment.”
“Alive…” he tasted the word as he stopped to look out the window again. Always that need to see a way out. ”I do not feel it unless I know power. Perhaps because of the lack of it all my life until…recently.” His gaze rested momentarily on the remains of the bifrost out the window. ”I care not. But sentiment will never satisfy.”
He turned then and fixed his eyes on hers intensely.
“Do you not understand what feeling does to a man like me? How distracting…it is a weakness. I have tasted weakness, Summer. I do not intend to again.” He wildly hoped she could not see the feeling that stirred inside him even then, but of course she did. She always would. Maybe she would at least have the decency not to point it out.
Summer’s mouth quirked downward. “You see me as weak.” Blindly, she walked backward until the edge of the bed hit the backs of her knees. She crumpled onto it. “Something to be used.” Without really being aware of it, the hurt she was feeling slid into the projection.
“Like your brother.”
Why did it even matter, she asked herself. This was Loki, who destroyed, who killed, raped minds. There was probably no saving him. And even if there was, it was stupid to delude herself into thinking she could do it.
It took every ounce of control Summer had ever learned in thirty-some-odd years to stand up again, to pull her jeans on, and walk toward the door, without allowing the tears in her eyes to spill down her face. She couldn’t find it in her to unlock the tight muscles around her mouth, but her spine was straight and her head high.
Loki felt himself freeze at her words, ice spreading through his veins. He had destroyed another connection, proven himself cruel and unworthy yet again. He could not move as she poured her hurt over him; he drowned in it.
Your brother.
“My brother,” he hissed, snapping back to reality. He stepped to block the door. ”My brother was a fool, driven by petty whim and shallow connections.” Her hurt and his desperation were pooling together and he could hardly see straight through it all. ”You are not these things Summer. Why must we pull at each other like this? Can we claim power over others and who they are?” No, of course not, there was no hope for him. But at the sight of those eyes of fire, he softened.
“You are anything but weak, my Summer. You endure.”
The endearment, small though it was, cracked her control. Shattered it. Summer lost the projection, blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. A sob wracked her body. Hastily she shook her hair forward, hiding her face. “I’m sorry,” she managed through a tight throat. “I shouldn’t’ve said those things. You are .. who you are, and I’ve no right to … change you.”
She let him pull her in, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest. “Oh, Loki. Look at us. Both so convinced we’re worthless people, so confused by others caring.” Closing her eyes, she kept projecting, pouring her sympathy and caring and desire for this wounded, struggling man out.
“Look at us both,” he repeated, nodding into her hair. ”Imagine what we could accomplish if we were without sentiment.”
It was something he had tried to achieve, but almost had to admit he could not. Yet here was a creature whose existence revolved around emotion. How tiring her life must be. He was exhausted already.
Summer thwacked his back lightly. “You’d be dead, because I wouldn’t have this power. I’ve known people who tried to cut off their emotions, and it didn’t end well for them.” Leaning back enough to look him in the face, she went on, “Loki … I can’t speak for you. But I told you once already, they tried to … mute me. And it was awful.”
“I can’t imagine how. Look how much pain this causes you. I see what you have to endure, just to be near someone. And you say it hurt to be without feeling?”
He shook his head and paced around the room. This woman was turning his brain to mush.
Her mouth twisted. “Imagine if someone took your magic from you.” Folding her arms, Summer regarded Loki. “That is how essential it is to me to feel. In this pain, I know I am alive.” She couldn’t help but frown, dark brows drawing together over green eyes. “Why is this so important to you? To push away emotion. Sentiment.”
“Not everyone,” Loki hissed, thinking of himself. He excused himself to wash for the day. ”Is there something else I can do for you, Summer? Before you are on your way today?”
Sudden anger shot through Summer. She flung herself out of the bed, heedless of her state of undress, and snatched at Loki’s hand, projecting love as hard as she could. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Everyone.”
Loki staggered back from her sudden touch, as an unfamiliar feeling pushed at him from all angles. He felt it surround and press against his skin, curling warmly between his fingers as they were clutched in Summer’s. The feeling pricked at his eyes and climbed up his throat. It was unbearably beautiful.
“Ahh, what…” he breathed, but then could only close his eyes and pull her closer.
She let him pull her in, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest. “Oh, Loki. Look at us. Both so convinced we’re worthless people, so confused by others caring.” Closing her eyes, she kept projecting, pouring her sympathy and caring and desire for this wounded, struggling man out.
“Look at us both,” he repeated, nodding into her hair. ”Imagine what we could accomplish if we were without sentiment.”
It was something he had tried to achieve, but almost had to admit he could not. Yet here was a creature whose existence revolved around emotion. How tiring her life must be. He was exhausted already.
Summer thwacked his back lightly. “You’d be dead, because I wouldn’t have this power. I’ve known people who tried to cut off their emotions, and it didn’t end well for them.” Leaning back enough to look him in the face, she went on, “Loki … I can’t speak for you. But I told you once already, they tried to … mute me. And it was awful.”
He sighed heavily. ”Done nothing more than care, I suppose.” He stood, looking out into the glow of morning.
“I wonder if anyone will mourn his death,” he mumbled under his breath. He wondered briefly about all the deaths that went unnoticed, every day. And then there were those that were celebrated.
Softly, Summer said, “I do.” She looked at her hands, lying on the covers. “I can deal death, but it doesn’t mean I like it, and it’s sad that there was no way to save him from himself.” She paused, blinking rapidly. “Everyone should be loved.”
Except me, she couldn’t stop herself thinking.
“Not everyone,” Loki hissed, thinking of himself. He excused himself to wash for the day. ”Is there something else I can do for you, Summer? Before you are on your way today?”
Sudden anger shot through Summer. She flung herself out of the bed, heedless of her state of undress, and snatched at Loki’s hand, projecting love as hard as she could. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Everyone.”
Loki staggered back from her sudden touch, as an unfamiliar feeling pushed at him from all angles. He felt it surround and press against his skin, curling warmly between his fingers as they were clutched in Summer’s. The feeling pricked at his eyes and climbed up his throat. It was unbearably beautiful.
“Ahh, what…” he breathed, but then could only close his eyes and pull her closer.
She let him pull her in, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest. “Oh, Loki. Look at us. Both so convinced we’re worthless people, so confused by others caring.” Closing her eyes, she kept projecting, pouring her sympathy and caring and desire for this wounded, struggling man out.
She had to close her eyes against the pain of his words briefly. Sent away. Unwanted.
She should have listened to the dream.
Summoning up a smile, she squeezed his hand. “I know I said that, but truly, you don’t owe me anything. I was glad to help, even a little bit.”
“What is the matter?” He asked, seeing her expression drop, looking hurt. ”Believe me, I will be at your call, for anything you need. You deserve that and more. I should not have involved you at all, but Thanos threatened you and it just made me so furious that he would involved an innocent third party who had—” something in the way she looked at him cut him off.
“For the last time, Loki, you didn’t ‘involve’ me. I chose.” Summer’s lips crimped together for a moment. She pulled her hand back and folded her arms, tossing hair out of her face. “Now, ‘an innocent third party who had’ what?”
He sighed heavily. ”Done nothing more than care, I suppose.” He stood, looking out into the glow of morning.
“I wonder if anyone will mourn his death,” he mumbled under his breath. He wondered briefly about all the deaths that went unnoticed, every day. And then there were those that were celebrated.
Softly, Summer said, “I do.” She looked at her hands, lying on the covers. “I can deal death, but it doesn’t mean I like it, and it’s sad that there was no way to save him from himself.” She paused, blinking rapidly. “Everyone should be loved.”
Except me, she couldn’t stop herself thinking.
“Not everyone,” Loki hissed, thinking of himself. He excused himself to wash for the day. ”Is there something else I can do for you, Summer? Before you are on your way today?”
Sudden anger shot through Summer. She flung herself out of the bed, heedless of her state of undress, and snatched at Loki’s hand, projecting love as hard as she could. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Everyone.”
“Are you?” he asked seriously. He felt it would be prying to ask what the dream was about, as much as his curiosity was piqued. Another time, perhaps.
“Last night was…straining on us both, no doubt.” He blinked and toyed with his fingers thoughtfully. ”Still…Thanos is dead. And you fought brilliantly.”
“Eh.” She shrugged. “Fire is easy to fight with, you just throw it around. I just … wanted you to … I don’t know. I know he hurt you, but you were so glad to hurt him back. And I was in his mind. So you were … kind of hurting me too.” Summer reached out and put her hand on Loki’s, stilling his restless fingers. “But I’m glad I could help.”
He made a face. ”A bit self destructive? You should not keep my company, Summer. You should be on your way. Is there something I can do for you, to even my debt?”
She had to close her eyes against the pain of his words briefly. Sent away. Unwanted.
She should have listened to the dream.
Summoning up a smile, she squeezed his hand. “I know I said that, but truly, you don’t owe me anything. I was glad to help, even a little bit.”
“What is the matter?” He asked, seeing her expression drop, looking hurt. ”Believe me, I will be at your call, for anything you need. You deserve that and more. I should not have involved you at all, but Thanos threatened you and it just made me so furious that he would involved an innocent third party who had—” something in the way she looked at him cut him off.
“For the last time, Loki, you didn’t ‘involve’ me. I chose.” Summer’s lips crimped together for a moment. She pulled her hand back and folded her arms, tossing hair out of her face. “Now, ‘an innocent third party who had’ what?”
He sighed heavily. ”Done nothing more than care, I suppose.” He stood, looking out into the glow of morning.
“I wonder if anyone will mourn his death,” he mumbled under his breath. He wondered briefly about all the deaths that went unnoticed, every day. And then there were those that were celebrated.
Softly, Summer said, “I do.” She looked at her hands, lying on the covers. “I can deal death, but it doesn’t mean I like it, and it’s sad that there was no way to save him from himself.” She paused, blinking rapidly. “Everyone should be loved.”
“Are you?” he asked seriously. He felt it would be prying to ask what the dream was about, as much as his curiosity was piqued. Another time, perhaps.
“Last night was…straining on us both, no doubt.” He blinked and toyed with his fingers thoughtfully. ”Still…Thanos is dead. And you fought brilliantly.”
“Eh.” She shrugged. “Fire is easy to fight with, you just throw it around. I just … wanted you to … I don’t know. I know he hurt you, but you were so glad to hurt him back. And I was in his mind. So you were … kind of hurting me too.” Summer reached out and put her hand on Loki’s, stilling his restless fingers. “But I’m glad I could help.”
He made a face. ”A bit self destructive? You should not keep my company, Summer. You should be on your way. Is there something I can do for you, to even my debt?”
She had to close her eyes against the pain of his words briefly. Sent away. Unwanted.
She should have listened to the dream.
Summoning up a smile, she squeezed his hand. “I know I said that, but truly, you don’t owe me anything. I was glad to help, even a little bit.”
“What is the matter?” He asked, seeing her expression drop, looking hurt. ”Believe me, I will be at your call, for anything you need. You deserve that and more. I should not have involved you at all, but Thanos threatened you and it just made me so furious that he would involved an innocent third party who had—” something in the way she looked at him cut him off.
“For the last time, Loki, you didn’t ‘involve’ me. I chose.” Summer’s lips crimped together for a moment. She pulled her hand back and folded her arms, tossing hair out of her face. “Now, ‘an innocent third party who had’ what?”