I can’t express in words what a critical moment this was for me. I had been watching him throw himself into danger the way he used to throw himself into the crazy driving or the substance abuse. As far as I was concerned, it was just one more suicidal stunt. Have I mentioned the man has no sense of self-preservation? I’d seen him get in a Mafioso’s face once in Vegas, just for the hell of it. Money can’t buy you out of that kind of trouble. I’d pictured myself handling all the details of his funeral. Assisting him to the grave. I’d imagined all the business contacts and SI execs standing around the gaping hole in the ground. Gradually they’d all trickle away and I’d be the only one left. The only one who actually gave a damn. No, that isn’t fair. Rhodey and Happy give a damn. But outside of us, this “team Stark” as he calls us, it would be just another social obligation.
So when he pulled this guilt trip on me – don’t get me wrong, I saw it for what it was – I figured he’d just changed the method of his suicide. He wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. It’s not like I was against him helping people. I just didn’t want “I have to help my victims” to be another excuse like “I only got in his face because he gave me the stinkeye”.
Then I remembered what he’d said with that silly self-deprecating grin on his face. You’re all I have. Now he was pleading with me to believe him, to believe in him. To help him do what he believes in. Tony Stark, standing up for a cause? I few months earlier it would’ve been inconceivable.
The experience is hard to describe. It was like driving before dawn, when the world is all in shades of grey, and it’s hard to tell where the sky ends and the horizon begins. The light gradually creeps in until the sun erupts from behind the mountains and everything blazes into color. Suddenly I saw Tony for who he was, for who he had become. Not a wastrel. A hero. He wasn’t throwing his life away – he was protecting the weak.
I’d made a mistake, and for that I’m sorry. I hadn’t believed in him. I’d seen only what I expected – the gambler, the drunk, the man who thought the world was better off without him. But the man before me had brought something miraculous out of what could have been pointless suffering. It was as if the experience had burned away the excess and left the essence of Tony.
I’m not bragging when I say I’d always thought he had it in him. Why else do you think I stuck around so long? I saw the good in him even few others did. I’m not excusing his behavior, not at all. I’m just saying that I’d always hoped he could get rid of all the crap weighing him down and use his brain and his heart to make the world a better place. Of course, I was thinking more along the lines of Jonas Salk, not Clark Kent!
As a side note, this is why I go a little apeshit whenever anyone mentions Howard Stark. “You’re my greatest creation”? What a pile of horseshit. Everything that Tony is, he built himself. I’m not talking about the money. I’m talking about the man. You could argue that Tony inherited his intelligence from Howard. I know lots of people with the capacity for intelligence. Few of them bother to develop it.
To sum up, this is why I help him. So I downloaded a few files. It’s nothing compared to what he does, creepy senior execs notwithstanding. It’s not like I’m out there taking bullets and getting my metal ass handed to me. I can’t machine parts or design AI. Hell, I wouldn’t know a capacitor if it bit me in the ass. But I keep his life (and his empire) running. If that’s what it takes, then that’s what I’ll do.
