Tag Archives: Anonymous

Then approach him privately about an AU? Unless you’ve asked him about an AU, anything that’s said to him will be taken in his main verse. Listen, I know you think your muse isn’t controllable and does what she wants, but let me tell you. You have control over her. Don’t hide on that ‘crutch’. It’s frustrating. And you’re doing nothing but pissing everyone off.

Interestingly, I agree with you on some of that. On the other hand … I have in fact spoken to that mun, and so far /they/ haven’t indicated to me that there’s a problem. And frankly theirs is the only word I’m concerned about. When billionaire-mun comes to me and says “Your muse is making me uncomfortable,” I’ll discuss that with them.

You, who can’t seem to be honest about who you are, are shit out of luck. And let me let you in on something that’s not a secret: I’m perfectly fine with other muses having a problem with my muse’s reaction to Tony, and her behavior. That’s a story, and I’m happy to write it. But other muns having a problem with my muse’s reaction to Tony? That’s your problem, not mine.

There are plenty of other Tony’s that are single. Why do you want billionaretonystark so badly?

Let’s put it this way, anon. As far as my muse is concerned, Tony is Tony. Each Tony she meets is the only Tony, because I do everything AU unless I’ve a reason not to. I’ve tried to make her not be in love with him, and it just does not take.

Me personally, I really like billionaire-tony-stark’s writing. I want to write with that person, because they are just awesome. I frankly could not care less if his/her Tony reciprocates Summer’s feelings, if they superhero together, if she becomes his PA or babysitter or weird friend or drinking buddy or whatever. That mun is a /superb/ writer, and I want to work with them. Whatever it takes.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel worse…

You aren’t making me feel worse. Just thinking about it doesn’t usually trigger me. Luckily, or I’d be in tears every time I went to see my therapist! Most of my struggles are to do with self-esteem, with how I think about myself. There are things about myself that I like quite a lot — Summer’s long hair is the same as mine, and it’s a point of pride with me. Same with my writing.

But when it comes to my looks as a whole, or my general niceness as a person, or my skills at almost anything else, I’m very leery of compliments, and I’ll protest as a matter of course that I’m no good. Not worthwhile as a friend or a person. That secrets meme running ‘round the roleplayers? I submitted a couple, about some of my bigger fears.

It’s okay. Does it at least make you feel a little better? To talk about it?

Sometimes. Even when I try to be off the drugs, I make an effort to see someone, someone trained, at least every couple months. Since … well, since a lot of things, but mostly in the two years since I last tried to kill myself, I go much more often.

I don’t often talk about it to people I consider my friends. I … warn them, sometimes, but to push the whole tangled mess of this onto them seems a bit unfair. It’s not an act of friendship, to my mind. But to listen to them, help them … yeah, it’s a bit screwy.

I think I once knew what it was like to live without it. But it’s long, long since been foreign to me, now.

Then you’ve more luck than I, anon. I’ve never been able to remember. Even before I was diagnosed, before the move dragged it all to the surface, I was always different. More emotional. More affected by other people’s emotions. More apt to fall into sadness.

I can’t remember what it’s like not to have to take some drug just to settle the chemicals enough that I can control myself. I keep trying to stop taking it, but that’s my unwillingness to face reality — it’s not /just/ thoughts, not /just/ emotions, bad habits. It’s chemicals in my brain that don’t stick around long enough.

Damn. This was not supposed to be mememe, but I don’t know how else to help you except by giving you all my own experience.

It’s not a crutch. >.>

How can it not be? A thing that’s so familiar a part of you — we rant and rave about manipulating people, about guilt trips and give and take. How can you not, even without thinking about it, lean on it as a way to escape things that are hard, to gain attention, to … I’ve used mine as a reason to butt into lives that I have no business in. This morning I was using it as a crutch for my slothful sleeping habits.

Do you know what it is like without it? I don’t.