The candle goes out
The world’s a little bit darker
What difference does it make to you
You’re looking through me
Where did I go
You’ll never know
We are stardust when the shadow takes us
I’m never doing this again
Never reaching out again
So tired of waiting with no goodbyes
Tired of silence
Tired of lies

Still no job. Still not pretty. Still not liked. Still not wanted. Emily project, epsilon, where are you when I’m falling? Can barely see to type, hiding my tears in the bath; at thirty-two I should be over this, right? Take your meds little girl, perk up and smile little girl, no one will ever love you again little girl, it’s how the world is little girl.

How long before I stop pretending people like me, would notice if I was gone? It’s not a joke, guys; I’m falling and screaming; this is as loud as I can be. I want your help, but who lets the clingy nightmare in the ohana? No one’s left behind, but falling in step isn’t belonging.

Never is, never could be. I’m too old, I’m too shy, my life looks too perfect from the outside. Chin up stupid, keep lying and one day you’ll be a real boy.

Real dead.