Tag Archives: candle in the dark


If you’re overwhelmed by the crap the world is piling on you – it’s okay to disengage for a while.  Turn off the television.  Step away from the computer.  Stop arguing with the idiot who doesn’t want to listen.  Go hug someone you love, play with a small child, care for a pet, write a letter to a friend you have’t spoken with in a while. Add small joys to the world.

You’re not betraying anyone.  You’re not giving up.  You’re practicing self-care (and we’ve got your back while you’re resting).  

We need you strong and healthy.  You need you strong and healthy.

Just come back when you can.

This isn’t a hate message. This is a neutral party simply inquiring and offering a bit of insight into what I’ve noticed you’ve been having a problem with for a while. Specifically about people that only roleplay selectively; like I do. I’ve ignored messages before, but its not out of spite. I only ignore them because I have extreme social anxiety. Telling people ‘no’, telling them I don’t want to RP with them is something incredibly difficult for me. Not all of us can be so direct or honest.

I hear you. It’s not something I can understand easily; my social anxiety isn’t that intense.

I would suggest to you, and others like you, though — if you are going to put yourself in a situation where you must interact with others, such as rp, even selectively, being able to tell people ‘no thank you’ is a place you should push yourself. Yes, it will be hard, god it’ll be hard. But you will not get better without trying, and you’ve already made a huge effort in being a roleplayer at all.


When someone commits suicide by traffic or train, send some of your sympathy and prayers to the person who was behind the wheel who has to live with that for the rest of their life, too. That’s an awful thing to force upon someone innocent of any involvement in your situation just because they happened to cross your path.

Send them to the people who have to investigate the situation, and aren’t allowed to look away. To the ones who have to come and take the body away, and who have to tell that person’s family and/or friends. To the ones who love those people, and support them through the aftermath.

As much as we want to tell ourselves, no one will notice if we’re gone, what we really mean is our absence won’t hurt.

And in either case, we’re wrong. We’re always wrong. However hard it is to remember that

we’re always wrong. Someone will notice. Someone will be hurt, by your absence, specifically.

when one of your favourite partners posts that they need new threads
before they even reply to you
can’t help thinking I’m just not interesting anymore
waiting a week for any response from people I’ve plotted with
I just want to tell stories with people




So, I have a personal experience of depression that I’ve never seen included in any symptoms list or diagnostic matrix, and I’m curious if that’s because it’s just me or if it’s something that more people have experienced, which just hasn’t been well-recognised medically. Tumblr seems like a good place to ask for anecdotes!

I find that when I’m really badly depressed, it alters my memory. Bad things that happen – even really minor ones – stick in my mind, and I’ll still be agonising over them weeks later. But good things just… go. They happen, I feel good about them for a few hours, then I just seem to forget. The only way I can remember good things when I’m depressed, often, is to sit down and go “Okay, catalogue everything that happened to me today/this week/recently, good and bad”. And I’ll go through all the bad things and maybe a few significant good things, and then sit there for a while thinking “That can’t be it… there must be more…”, and then finally, gradually, the good things will come back to me.

You can imagine how much this sucks in terms of perpetuating depression and making it difficult to have any kind of positive outlook. Thankfully I don’t suffer from it as much as I used to, since for several years I just had short periods (a few days) of really bad depression interspersed into normal life, but since my sort of base level of depression has been creeping up this year it’s got me thinking about this again.

So, if you’ve been depressed, have you ever experienced something like this? Or is it just me?

Reblogging b/c others in my circle have insights on this too.

Oh. Oh god.

Yes, this is ABSOLUTELY normal for depression.

Depression is an evil brain disease that will slowly suck the color and life out of your world, and it will turn your mind against your conscious self. It’s absolutely a good plan to seek treatment or medication or both when dealing with depression, because otherwise, it will start to tear at you and eat at you, and you will doubt yourself, and hate yourself, and your brain will convince you that all the people you know would be better off if you were dead.

Trust me, I’ve been through ECT (shock treatment) and been on a cocktail of meds for over 15 years. I’m doing decently nowadays, but things were bleak for a long time.

Please, if possible, seek treatment from either a psychologist or a psychiatrist. It may help bring the vibrancy of color back into your life.

Being depressed means your brain is fighting you. Along with seeing a therapist, dealing with this kind of memory short is why having a circle of supporters is hugely helpful. They can remind you of good things; listen when you just have to rant, cry, or complain; and while it’s hard on everyone, having a support team can make a difference between “oh god I hate myself” and “/wrists”.

In short, yes. Being badly depressed messes with your memory.