Tag Archives: candle gone out

So between losing my Derek and therefore that storyline, and coming home to some anonymous slandering me publicly, this hasn’t actually been a particularly good post-birthday. I was going to do replies, but that’s kind of not happening now.

If someone were to die at the age of 63 after a lifelong battle with MS or Sickle Cell, we’d all say they were a “fighter” or an “inspiration.” But when someone dies after a lifelong battle with severe mental illness and drug addiction, we say it was a tragedy and tell everyone “don’t be like him, please seek help.” That’s bullshit. Robin Williams sought help his entire life. He saw a psychiatrist. He quit drinking. He went to rehab. He did this for decades. That’s HOW he made it to 63. For some people, 63 is a fucking miracle. I know several people who didn’t make it past 23 and I’d do anything to have 40 more years with them.

anonymous reader on The Dish

One of the more helpful and insightful things I’ve seen about depression/suicide in the last couple of days.

(via the-greatdepression)

you know nobody cares about you when no one even notices you’re gone

after thirty four years you would think I would have figured out that giving people what they want and being courteous and friendly doesn’t actually result in reciprocation. it just means they bitch at you for not doing it the way they wanted or being who they expected

I wish I could stop being an idealist

I’m so angry right now I’m shaking. The fastest way to piss me off is to make a lot of assumptions about me and my muse and then prevent me from addressing any of those concerns. 

Irritatingly, my outbox didn’t save my reply. I first commented that they didn’t have to be friends, then said it was fine, I was used to it because of Summer being a female OC.

Now I’m blocked. Which is insulting. Yes, let’s spew out a lot of godmod assumptions about what my muse did and what I meant, then deny me the chance to reply in any sort of reasonable fashion. I’m incredibly impressed with the maturity here.

That is the behaviour that drives me to make responses, reactions, and commentary public. A person who behaves like that cannot be trusted to be honest when the situation comes up again, and if they’ve cut off my ability to work it out privately I refuse to sit quietly and be slandered.

  1. Nowhere in that BRIEF series of asks did I say Summer touched him. She said it looked like he needed a hug — which I copied directly from the list of ‘send me an ask here are some starters’ that Rae posted. There was nothing else on that list that looked like anything Summer would say to a stranger — but she would offer a hug to anyone whom she thought needed one.
  2. She’s not allowed to be shocked by such a sharp response? She’s supposed to apologise for offering a hug to someone? 
  3. I don’t know about you, but I’d be wary of someone whose response to me was to threaten to eat me.
  4. If you’re going to be ugly to me and make assumptions, the least you can do is spell my name right.

just giving up on everyone

we’re going back to ‘not reaching out’ mode

if i’m already writing with you, via ask, or whatever, fine. you get to keep me around.

if not, you have to come to me. there will be no more cute and sweet flower deliveries, no more roaming kitty. i’m tired of being hurt, i’m tired of doing things wrong and not knowing what they are. i’m tired of seeing posts on my dash of people complaining that they are someone’s second best or third best, when i know they’ve pushed me away when i tried to make them my primary.

i don’t know what i have to do differently, who i have to be, to be acceptable. to be wanted. for my wanting to be acceptable.