it’s really bad tonight. i’m cold and i can’t get warm, the fire won’t light no matter what we do. i tried to roleplay bit all my asks just vanished. it’s stupid for that to hurt but it does. i have to keep reminding myself i’m not being ignored on purpose. i have to keep repeating that it’s okay. that i have friends, that people care, that i don’t need to beg for attention.

it’s stupid for me to be sitting here crying over noting at all — i got a lot done today. i haven’t eaten bit that’s all. i’ve emailed a lot of people about catering, and got some calls back, and updated my mom, and bathed, and and and

and that’s a lot for me.

i shouldnt be this far down, this is just one of those days when the tiniest things overset, weigh so much more. and feeling like i’m not able to roleplay because people aren’t respinding is grindingly painful for me. i can’t explain it its just there.

ill be okay i promise. one breath at a time, its just hard right now and i needed to write it out