Tag Archives: Not that anyone will actually care

If you aren’t actually going to thread with me, don’t bother to follow me back as a roleplayer. I despise people who post opens and only play with the responders they like. I hate roleplayers who are so wrapped up in their one or two shipper buddies they don’t acknowledge attempts at threading by anyone else. If you do these things, you will lose me as a follower and/or rp-mate. I get that asks get lost. But threads? No, you’re just being a jerk, basically.



it’s really bad tonight. i’m cold and i can’t get warm, the fire won’t light no matter what we do. i tried to roleplay bit all my asks just vanished. it’s stupid for that to hurt but it does. i have to keep reminding myself i’m not being ignored on purpose. i have to keep repeating that it’s okay. that i have friends, that people care, that i don’t need to beg for attention.

it’s stupid for me to be sitting here crying over noting at all — i got a lot done today. i haven’t eaten bit that’s all. i’ve emailed a lot of people about catering, and got some calls back, and updated my mom, and bathed, and and and

and that’s a lot for me.

i shouldnt be this far down, this is just one of those days when the tiniest things overset, weigh so much more. and feeling like i’m not able to roleplay because people aren’t respinding is grindingly painful for me. i can’t explain it its just there.

ill be okay i promise. one breath at a time, its just hard right now and i needed to write it out

Re: Muses, muns, asks, and roleplay

It appears I have to reiterate something I’ve stated before. I’m actually getting tired of repeating myself for this kind of situation, so maybe I need to link this post on my sidebar so people will pay attention.

I’ll try to make it simple.

I am not my muse. My muse is not me.

We are similar. She is based on me. There are things she does that I won’t / don’t / can’t do, and there are things I do that she won’t / don’t / can’t do. But if you blame me for something my muse does or says, you’re losing that line between character and creator, and I’m going to react badly to that.

I am not naming names in order to instigate a witch-hunt. I am naming names because I left high school fifteen years ago and I don’t play behind people’s backs. I will always say what I think where people can find it. What other people choose to do about it is their lookout.

Summer has a serious ongoing relationship with the Tony known commonly as Gadget, because gadgeteerphilanthropist. The mun and I talk to each other via skype about what we’re doing and what is going on between the muses.

Only a month into their relationship, Summer confessed to an anon that she is a polyamorous person, and she loves Tony as part of that. Around this same time, Gadget began to interact romantically with Dummy, and although Summer never had a thread together with Dummy, she paid attention to things around Tony, and she knew of the existence of Dummy as a robot and as a romantic event in Tony’s life.

I, as a responsible roleplayer, had made the effort at the beginning to read Gadget’s headcanons, relationships, and other information that was posted on his page. I also made the minimal effort to reread them every so often, and therefore both knew that Gadget is a single’verse character, and who Gadget considered significant in his life.

In short, Summer was never surprised about the appearance of other people in Tony’s life because I (and she) paid attention.

When Gadgetmun posted an Obey meme, and Dummy’s request was to know if Gadget would ever marry him, Gadgetmun spoke to me about it, because it would be a thing that would affect my muse as well. You can go read what happened between Gadget and Dummy yourself. It then splintered into Gadget texting and being comforted by Summer.

When I tried to speak to Dummymun about it, she refused to accept that Summer and Dummy share a ‘verse for Gadget until Gadgetmun told her so. Then I was able to start a thread via ask, which … basically went badly from the first, as far as the muses went. That thread drew Gadget in, as well.

I have to specify here — I did not, at any point, set out to upset anybody. It’s a game. I play it, I stay true to my character. Once again, we are similar, but not the same.

After the end of my thread with Dummy, I let it go. For Summer and Gadget, Dummy had left, vanished into the wild blue yonder, and since I deliberately crossed the explosion of my life into Summer’s story, it is my ‘fault’ that Gadget was then distracted from the whole situation a week later. In as much as that can be a fault.

Because I pay attention, I know that Dummy, or persons enlisted in Dummymun’s ‘cause’, has continued to send asks and references to Gadget. Summer knows that Gadget is still worried and upset about the whole thing. She herself has nightmares about it.

Because I don’t leave myself exposed, after Gadgetmun did the Break Me meme and got this, I went to Dummy’s tumblr and looked around. What I read there in the last 36 hours really worries me. For all that she refuses to name names (as I am deliberately doing here), she is painting a slanderous target on my back.

Now that I’m blocked by her, she can’t see my posts on the dash, and I can’t see hers on the dash, and I can’t send her any message asking her to stop slandering me. What I can do is this.

I am not responsible for how you as a mun or your character as a muse react to me and my muse. I am not responsible for your inability to maintain muse/mun separation. I am not responsible for the fact that you didn’t read Gadget’s information, and therefore ended up being triggered by your own past. I am not responsible for your inability to let go of the situation and for your desire to continue poking Gadget and Gadgetmun.

I am definitively not responsible for the fact that your muse — and by extension, you — did not get what he wanted. I do not accept blame for that.

I am not responsible for your reaction to my protecting myself from what is clearly becoming a grudge on your part. The more you continue to post about how upset Dummy is about the situation, and how upset you are, and make yourself out as a helpless victim, the longer I am going to watch.

I don’t ignore people talking about me behind my back. I ignore it even less when I’m being slandered behind my back.

Lastly, if you the mun have a problem with me or my muse, I encourage you to bring it to me directly. Tag me, I track my username as tag. Inbox me, it’s always open and anon is always on. I’m glad to discuss my social screwups, of which there are many, in public or in private so that I can improve as a person. I’m glad to discuss my muse with people, in public or private.

I’m very uncomfortable with high-school-style behind-my-back discussions about me. Eventually it amounts to slander or libel or both, and I deserve the opportunity to answer openly.

Muses, muns, asks, and roleplay

I’m not entirely sure how to start this post, except to kinda plunge in the middle and tell what happened. I’m doing this at least partly so /I/ have a record of my perspective. What anybody else chooses to do about it is their own lookout.

Some nights I get bored, and I go round to other roleplayers’ askboxes and leave weird or strange or provocative little messages in character just to see what happens. One night it was “*peers* I’m collecting kisses. Would you like to donate?” Another night it was “*a nerf dart zips past your ear accompanied by the sound of giggling*” Last night it happened to be “Your muse just found my muse in his bed, naked and willing. What happens?” which interestingly went mildly viral.

I never expect a certain kind of response to these. I’m taking my character and playing. For reasons I don’t entirely comprehend, last night’s game made killerinthesky and some of his friends angry. Apparently, both mun and muse were angry. The thread that descended from that post turned ugly very fast.

I put a lot of effort into not letting my responses as my muse and as a mun get crossed. Other muses can respond negatively to my muse and that is not a problem for me. I keep firmly in my mind that a muse and the mun are not the same. I also put effort into differentiating my muse from me the mun. Yes, Summer is modelled on me, very much so.

She is not me. Her attitudes toward some things are not mine. Her responses to some things are not mine.

I the mun am okay with someone’s muse calling my muse a slot. She is. I the mun am okay with someone, in ccharacter or out, observing that my muse misused the term ‘polyamorous’.

The impression I got from these posts, which I ‘stumbled’ across due to following killerinthesky (which he knew I was doing), is that he responded to my muse as a mun, and assumed that my muse’s actions represented my personal actions and thoughts.

If that’s the case, well … there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. It’s a mistaken assumption. Summer is, frankly, wrong. Her application of the term ‘polyamorous’ in that context is wrong. I personally happen to know the difference. I am polyamorous. I’m very lucky to be with someone who is not and still allows me to be so. Loves me for being so.

When I started that askbox game, I was by no means intending to play that Summer was actively trying to break up any in character established relationships. It was a game, the same as the crush meme or the kiss meme or the sex memes. I have to wonder, since I deliberately modelled my ask after the five words naked meme, why that one is okay but mine is apparently not.

When I come into an askbox in character, she is interacting with your muse in a timeline separate from her other timelines, until there is a reason to do differently (i.e. we have a thread with other muses as well). Unless I’m told differently (by the mun or on an info/about page), I assume your muse is the same. Maybe this is a mistake. I don’t know. It’s what I do.

Lastly, if you the mun have a problem with me or my muse, I encourage you to bring it to me directly. Tag me, I track my username as tag. Inbox me, it’s always open and anon is always on. I’m glad to discuss my social screwups, of which there are many, in public or in private so that I can improve as a person. I’m glad to discuss my muse with people, in public or private.

I’m very uncomfortable with high-school-style behind-my-back discussions about me. Eventually it amounts to slander or libel or both, and I deserve the opportunity to answer openly.

I feel owe this, somehow. I hate that feeling. Just scroll if you don’t care.

I majored in English. I majored in English to be a writer and an editor. Spelling and grammar are, literally, instinctive for me, and I can easily be turned off of someone’s writing if those instincts get aroused.

I’m not looking at your writing checking for mistakes. But I do see them. I can’t /ignore/ them, in my own mind. Usually, when I’m roleplaying with someone, I silently correct errors, and move on. When I point out a mistake, although this is damn hard to convey in type, I /am/ trying to be polite, helpful, and gentle. I do /not/ comment on any mistake in spelling or grammar to make someone feel bad. I /know/ very few people have my ability in this area, and I’d really rather not /be/ reminded of all the reasons why people hate me, thanks all the same. I’m not trying to demonstrate how much better I am, or how much you suck: I genuinely want to help you.

If wanting to help people, albeit clumsily as text enforces, is a mistake, I’ll … take the risk and continue to make that mistake. I’ll issue sincere apologies as needed to people whom I hurt, and the rest of you … well, basically you can go jump off a cliff with your assumptions about my motivations.