you are allowed to terminate toxic relationships
you are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you
you are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving
you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself
Tag Archives: billionairetonystark
I fled, as I do, as I must. It’s a different world I have to go to, to run away from myself. They say, hell is other people.
It’s wrong.
Hell is always, endlessly, myself. Locked inside my own head, own voice searing across old wounds, ripping and prying and tearing.
I don’t cut with blades.
I cut with words, and you cannot see my scars.
I ran away, cutting my souls/soles on the sharp truth: I failed. To be sorry, to be kind, to be good.
To be wanted.
You see, I write because I have to. The words jostle in my mind like a thousand thousand razor blades, cutting and cutting. You cannot see my scars, though I lay them out in text, fine lines of script linking wound to pain to bruise. I write because the pixels, the ink is blood, sliding down my fingertips.
You say to me: it hurts too much, I can’t tonight. I hear you but I can’t hear you. Do you lock it inside, then? How do you do that? It writhes inside me, clinging with claws sharp as kittens’ teeth, pricking marks that only hurt later, when I’ve stopped running.
Do you understand? I’m asking, always asking, only ever asking you to help me heal. I thought I heard you say, No, so I fled. I ran away to find the words I shape around that pain, and I didn’t know my leaving would hurt you. I never want to hurt you.
I want to show you my scars, the ink that runs in my veins and spills out on the page, and say: we are alike. I can write you the path I walked before you, and maybe, just maybe, if the words shape themselves right you don’t have to hurt yourself on the same things.
I ask you to help me and what comes out is always ugly and wanting, greedy and selfish. Ragged-edged words with too-cruel edges.
The truth is that I say it wrong. The truth is that I love you, and I love you cannot say as you wish until after I say my wishes too. I wish you to come back. Let me try again.
I write and write and write; the words spill like blood across the screen and swirl away. They will never be enough; I want to peel open my cheat and show you the parts of my soul that are yours and always will be. This is a love letter to you.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me my mistake. Let me make it right. Let me try again. I give you the truth: I shape words, and the story bleeds my pain. Here are my scars, self-made. Will you help me, now, to carve out my pain?
Summer sat slumped in Brown’s, turning her glass under her hand idly, still half-full of ice and Bailey’s. There had been no response to her last text from Tony; she wasn’t sure she even wanted one.
No matter what else happens, this much is true: there is a person in the world who thinks of you kindly, and wishes you well.
Even if we never write together again, no matter what happens, you’re in my heart, and that will never change.
iamthefirechild replied to your post:
Are you implying that you’d blindfold me?
Kinky.
Actually I meant to imply that I was hiding. But you could blindfold me. Or vice versa, I’ll switch.
ooc;
I think I’m done for the night.
redmetalandgold, can has starter for ‘married for two days’? I sent you an ask but I think it got eated.
billionaire-tony-stark, I think my ask to you got eated as well. that happens a lot. I don’t get it.
shield-slinging-cap, I await your reply!
theoldfashionedromantic, I think my ask to /you/ got eated. tumblr hates me.
gadgeteerphilanthropist, you owe me stuff on like three characters but I has patience and I loves you.
Flying back home tomorrow to finish out the year. Maybe next year I can get an actual job and stop depending on inheritance, because I am out of grandparents and this is not okay.
iamthefirechild replied to your post: iamthefirechild replied to your post: <_< yeah,…
*sighs* I tried to seduce you, remember that? It didnt go so well.
In my defense…you were hiding behind a gray mask at the time.
Dear, perhaps you should realize that Mr. Stark only has room in his life—and his bed, for one lady.
And I took it off, and /that/ didn’t go well either.
Could say something about whether or not there’s a lady actually present …I’ll ignore that comment, and return it with mine.
I have bedded Tony every night for the last month. A feat you will never have the chance to attempt.
Now. You’re right, I’m not a lady. I’m a full blown woman.
And, if you’re wondering.
He’s a fantastic lay.
*calmly* If you’re a woman, and he’s a fantastic lay, indulge my curiosity: what am I? Mind, there’s nothing you can possibly say that will hurt me, so best to be honest.
You really want to know what I think of you?
Well, I think that you’re a child, whom mistakes infatuation and lust for love. Who knows nothing of the real thing.
You’re obviously dumb enough not to take a hint and leave.
He doesn’t want to sleep with you. It wouldn’t matter if I were with him or not. You can’t woo someone by forcing them to do what you want just because you’re a female and you think they’d be fun to sleep with.
If he wanted to be with you. He would have brought you to the tower already, he would have fawned over you, sent you flowers and expensive things.
Now tell me, has he done any of that?
If the answer is no, I suggest you take your leave and do not attempt to seduce him further.
It will not work, it will never work. Hiding behind a grey mask only makes you more of a coward. Now please, Do you know the way to the door?
Or shall I call Ms. Potts?
It’s interesting, how you choose to challenge me on my own ground. Did you not look up my file, or did you not look up the meaning of the word ‘empath’? If I truly wanted to … force him, I could.
*quietly* I won’t. And I won’t allow you to define my emotions.
You’re the greatest assassin the world has ever known. If you wanted me gone, you would kill me. But you haven’t.
He’s one of the greatest playboys in the world. If he wasn’t interested at all, he would say so. But he hasn’t.
Are you truly so unsure of your hold on him as your responses suggest, or does he now permit you to make his choices? I don’t permit you to make mine. I make my feelings known when and as I choose.
Perhaps, be a little warier of whom you taunt, Natalia. Your shadows are far greater than mine, and I’m not the only empath in the world.
iamthefirechild replied to your post: iamthefirechild replied to your post: <_< yeah,…
*sighs* I tried to seduce you, remember that? It didnt go so well.
In my defense…you were hiding behind a gray mask at the time.
Dear, perhaps you should realize that Mr. Stark only has room in his life—and his bed, for one lady.
And I took it off, and /that/ didn’t go well either.
Could say something about whether or not there’s a lady actually present …I’ll ignore that comment, and return it with mine.
I have bedded Tony every night for the last month. A feat you will never have the chance to attempt.
Now. You’re right, I’m not a lady. I’m a full blown woman.
And, if you’re wondering.
He’s a fantastic lay.
*calmly* If you’re a woman, and he’s a fantastic lay, indulge my curiosity: what am I? Mind, there’s nothing you can possibly say that will hurt me, so best to be honest.
iamthefirechild replied to your post: iamthefirechild replied to your post: <_< yeah,…
*sighs* I tried to seduce you, remember that? It didnt go so well.
In my defense…you were hiding behind a gray mask at the time.
Dear, perhaps you should realize that Mr. Stark only has room in his life—and his bed, for one lady.
And I took it off, and /that/ didn’t go well either.
Could say something about whether or not there’s a lady actually present …