Tag Archives: candle gone out

ooc;

it’s really bad tonight. i’m cold and i can’t get warm, the fire won’t light no matter what we do. i tried to roleplay bit all my asks just vanished. it’s stupid for that to hurt but it does. i have to keep reminding myself i’m not being ignored on purpose. i have to keep repeating that it’s okay. that i have friends, that people care, that i don’t need to beg for attention.

it’s stupid for me to be sitting here crying over noting at all — i got a lot done today. i haven’t eaten bit that’s all. i’ve emailed a lot of people about catering, and got some calls back, and updated my mom, and bathed, and and and

and that’s a lot for me.

i shouldnt be this far down, this is just one of those days when the tiniest things overset, weigh so much more. and feeling like i’m not able to roleplay because people aren’t respinding is grindingly painful for me. i can’t explain it its just there.

ill be okay i promise. one breath at a time, its just hard right now and i needed to write it out

ooc;

My grandfather is dead.

Obviously, I’ll be absent from here for a little time, but this is a refuge, so I won’t be away long. Please be aware that this is an event which will cross over into my character in all verses; you are welcome to leave messages (if any) both IC and OOC.

I won’t be doing thread reminders of any sort anymore. If I’m not important enough to you to be remembered on my own then you aren’t someone I want to play with. I’m spending a lot of time with my hand stuck out over a gap, and I don’t have the spoons for it anymore. You like me, you want to thread with me, you remember me. Simple as that.

The candle goes out
The world’s a little bit darker
What difference does it make to you
You’re looking through me
Where did I go
You’ll never know
We are stardust when the shadow takes us
I’m never doing this again
Never reaching out again
So tired of waiting with no goodbyes
Tired of silence
Tired of lies

Still no job. Still not pretty. Still not liked. Still not wanted. Emily project, epsilon, where are you when I’m falling? Can barely see to type, hiding my tears in the bath; at thirty-two I should be over this, right? Take your meds little girl, perk up and smile little girl, no one will ever love you again little girl, it’s how the world is little girl.

How long before I stop pretending people like me, would notice if I was gone? It’s not a joke, guys; I’m falling and screaming; this is as loud as I can be. I want your help, but who lets the clingy nightmare in the ohana? No one’s left behind, but falling in step isn’t belonging.

Never is, never could be. I’m too old, I’m too shy, my life looks too perfect from the outside. Chin up stupid, keep lying and one day you’ll be a real boy.

Real dead.