Tag Archives: candle in the dark

starkofgenius:

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*sighs* I’ve been there. Will that help you hear me? In the end, the only person who can help you is yourself. We can be here to encourage you, cheer you on, say things that will help. You /can/ do it. Hold on, straighten up, straighten out. Don’t rush yourself.

We aren’t ever given to know the count of the living, and I swear to you there is at least one person out there whose life would be poorer if you, as YOU, didn’t exist. You — this is a hurtful thing, but a true thing — you can’t tell us what difference you’ve made to us. But you have. In ways that can’t be seen, that might not ever make it to the surface you matter.

Of all the times on all the worlds in all the possible universes why were you born of that mistake? It can’t have been a mistake that way, you see? You exist for a reason. Your existence is a precious thing. I’m telling you all the things I tell myself when the night is dark, when I want to die, when I believe the same things you are telling yourself right now. I know it’s hard. God, I know, I know how little words can mean. I’ll say them to you on skype or on the phone if you want. I’m a stranger to you, but I’ll say them anyway because they’re true and I believe them.

All I’m going to say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry for any wrongs or perceived wrongs. I know any requests for forgiveness would fall on deaf ears, but I will leave the question there, unasked, but there. I do hope you have a wonderful life, especially with your wedding upcoming. Thank you for your words and considerations. And again; I am sorry.

I don’t think it can be that easy. You’ve said the words; I accept that. Can you give me back what you took? Do you even understand what you took from me? Your choices took mine away. I’m not sure I /should/ forgive that.

There are people who won’t play with me now because you went to them and spoke about me. Those people aren’t going to come back to me.

There’s so much more I’m thinking, but I don’t know if you can understand most of it. I’m not sure I can phrase it in a way that anyone else would understand it, truthfully.

I accept that you have made the apology. I don’t forgive you — whether intentionally or not, you woke my deepest fear and used it as a weapon to hurt me. I’m still bleeding from that. In a week, maybe; in a month, maybe. When I stop wondering if the reason I don’t get a reply from someone is because you spoke to them about me.

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past-timeofthe-teenmind:

coollikerinthetardis:

jordansjourneyto130:

This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. People do not understand that mental illnesses, such as depression, are actual chemical imbalances in your body. They are not brought on by choice. My dad was diagnosed with depression. He was so ashamed of it that he hid it from me and my brothers. A month later, he killed himself. The stigma that comes with mental illness made my Dad embarrassed to talk to his own kids about this problem because he felt like less of a man.

Erase the stigma. The more we talk about mental illness, the less likely it will end in suicide.

Please reblog.

Re: Muses, muns, asks, and roleplay

It appears I have to reiterate something I’ve stated before. I’m actually getting tired of repeating myself for this kind of situation, so maybe I need to link this post on my sidebar so people will pay attention.

I’ll try to make it simple.

I am not my muse. My muse is not me.

We are similar. She is based on me. There are things she does that I won’t / don’t / can’t do, and there are things I do that she won’t / don’t / can’t do. But if you blame me for something my muse does or says, you’re losing that line between character and creator, and I’m going to react badly to that.

I am not naming names in order to instigate a witch-hunt. I am naming names because I left high school fifteen years ago and I don’t play behind people’s backs. I will always say what I think where people can find it. What other people choose to do about it is their lookout.

Summer has a serious ongoing relationship with the Tony known commonly as Gadget, because gadgeteerphilanthropist. The mun and I talk to each other via skype about what we’re doing and what is going on between the muses.

Only a month into their relationship, Summer confessed to an anon that she is a polyamorous person, and she loves Tony as part of that. Around this same time, Gadget began to interact romantically with Dummy, and although Summer never had a thread together with Dummy, she paid attention to things around Tony, and she knew of the existence of Dummy as a robot and as a romantic event in Tony’s life.

I, as a responsible roleplayer, had made the effort at the beginning to read Gadget’s headcanons, relationships, and other information that was posted on his page. I also made the minimal effort to reread them every so often, and therefore both knew that Gadget is a single’verse character, and who Gadget considered significant in his life.

In short, Summer was never surprised about the appearance of other people in Tony’s life because I (and she) paid attention.

When Gadgetmun posted an Obey meme, and Dummy’s request was to know if Gadget would ever marry him, Gadgetmun spoke to me about it, because it would be a thing that would affect my muse as well. You can go read what happened between Gadget and Dummy yourself. It then splintered into Gadget texting and being comforted by Summer.

When I tried to speak to Dummymun about it, she refused to accept that Summer and Dummy share a ‘verse for Gadget until Gadgetmun told her so. Then I was able to start a thread via ask, which … basically went badly from the first, as far as the muses went. That thread drew Gadget in, as well.

I have to specify here — I did not, at any point, set out to upset anybody. It’s a game. I play it, I stay true to my character. Once again, we are similar, but not the same.

After the end of my thread with Dummy, I let it go. For Summer and Gadget, Dummy had left, vanished into the wild blue yonder, and since I deliberately crossed the explosion of my life into Summer’s story, it is my ‘fault’ that Gadget was then distracted from the whole situation a week later. In as much as that can be a fault.

Because I pay attention, I know that Dummy, or persons enlisted in Dummymun’s ‘cause’, has continued to send asks and references to Gadget. Summer knows that Gadget is still worried and upset about the whole thing. She herself has nightmares about it.

Because I don’t leave myself exposed, after Gadgetmun did the Break Me meme and got this, I went to Dummy’s tumblr and looked around. What I read there in the last 36 hours really worries me. For all that she refuses to name names (as I am deliberately doing here), she is painting a slanderous target on my back.

Now that I’m blocked by her, she can’t see my posts on the dash, and I can’t see hers on the dash, and I can’t send her any message asking her to stop slandering me. What I can do is this.

I am not responsible for how you as a mun or your character as a muse react to me and my muse. I am not responsible for your inability to maintain muse/mun separation. I am not responsible for the fact that you didn’t read Gadget’s information, and therefore ended up being triggered by your own past. I am not responsible for your inability to let go of the situation and for your desire to continue poking Gadget and Gadgetmun.

I am definitively not responsible for the fact that your muse — and by extension, you — did not get what he wanted. I do not accept blame for that.

I am not responsible for your reaction to my protecting myself from what is clearly becoming a grudge on your part. The more you continue to post about how upset Dummy is about the situation, and how upset you are, and make yourself out as a helpless victim, the longer I am going to watch.

I don’t ignore people talking about me behind my back. I ignore it even less when I’m being slandered behind my back.

Lastly, if you the mun have a problem with me or my muse, I encourage you to bring it to me directly. Tag me, I track my username as tag. Inbox me, it’s always open and anon is always on. I’m glad to discuss my social screwups, of which there are many, in public or in private so that I can improve as a person. I’m glad to discuss my muse with people, in public or private.

I’m very uncomfortable with high-school-style behind-my-back discussions about me. Eventually it amounts to slander or libel or both, and I deserve the opportunity to answer openly.

*crawls in a hole and pulls it in after her* I do not need a fifth account just to make a surprise for a friend work. I really wanted someone else to do this character so /I/ could develop a little too, y’know. But noooooo I’m not important enough. Four people. I ask four people, different people who don’t even know each other, and every single time they say oh yes I can do that and then come back a week later with sorry I’m not good enough/lazy whatever for this.

Just fuck me sideways with a hot iron rod already. Honestly.

I won’t be doing thread reminders of any sort anymore. If I’m not important enough to you to be remembered on my own then you aren’t someone I want to play with. I’m spending a lot of time with my hand stuck out over a gap, and I don’t have the spoons for it anymore. You like me, you want to thread with me, you remember me. Simple as that.